Hm… (Short Story)

I waited for long at the coffee shop. She had said she’d reach by five and it was 10 past six.

We had been in a relationship for the past seven years and finally convinced our parents about our marriage. Our engagement is just one month down the line and my friends had been bugging me for a bachelors’ party ever since it was fixed. And yesterday was a most memorable day in my life. All my friends came over to my flat in Bangalore and we partied all through the night. I not only forgot to attend her calls but even my mobile. The Airtel bird chirrped about 23 times all through the night when I and my friends were having a gala time at the balcony and I was too drunk and tired to return her call once I got into my room by about five in the morning. And I slept like a log till 12 in the afternoon the next day. By the time I woke up, I found another 16 missed calls from her. I rang her back.

“When somebody loves you/It’s easy to get through…” I listened to her caller tune. It’s a song by a Western country musician called Allen Jackson.

The ring went on till the first two stanza of the song before she answered my call.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hm…” she answered.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t attend your call yesterday. I was giving a bachelors’ party to my friends. I had mentioned to you about it yesterday evening, remember?”

“Hm…”

Then there was total silence for a few fleeting seconds. I knew she was completely pissed at me because she had warned me against getting drunk and had said that she’d call up in between to check.

“Come on Vidya. Please understand. It was a bachelors’ party and I’d never get a chance to enjoy like this with my friends anytime here after.”

“Hm…”

“Vidya… Please…”

There was no answer.

“Ok. Let me make up for this. Meet me at our favourite hangout by five. I’ll give you a nice surprise.”

“Hm…”

“What ‘Hm… hm…’ say something na?”

“I’m quite busy Kiran. I’ll meet you at CCD by five. Bye” and she cut the call.

I felt terrible at her response. But yes, in my mind I too felt a little guilty that I avoided her just like that last night. I cursed all my friends for dragging me into that party.

I got up, took a shower, ate my lunch and waited painfully for the clock on the wall to tick past four. I missed her continues messages telling me about what she’s doing and where she is but I never dared call her up and check. I knew she was angry at me and I desperately wanted to make up for my misgiving.

I slept again for about an hour in between and got dressed and ready to go by four. It’s a half hour drive to the Café Coffee Day near her apartment. I got down at a gift shop on the way and brought her an elegant looking wrist watch. She had a fancy for designer watches and I knew a good looking watch would be the best gift to cool her nerves.

I found an empty seat in the coffee shop and I settled myself, waiting for her to arrive. I had already drained down two mugs of coffee and yet she had not reached. The usual evening crowd of happy boys and girls were milling up and I grew impatient waiting for her for so long. It’s not very usual of her to be so late. I tried calling her up in her mobile but she never answered. I know she was angry at me but still…

I ordered my third Cappuccino when I saw her walking towards me. She had about three to four shopping bags clutched tightly in both her hands and she was in white sleeveless top and blue denim. She had done something to her hair and it looked smooth and it cascaded down one of her fair shoulders. I was awe-struck looking at her. I’m amused how I never got tired of her beauty in the past seven years. She had a great sense of dressing and the Khadi sandals and the blue pendant in a silver chain around her neck and matching silver ear danglers with blue stones just added to my eyes’ ecstasy. Only that familiar smile was missing.

She sat opposite to me and never gave me even a passing glance.

“What would you like to have?” I asked and she didn’t answer.

“Your all-time favourite Mocha?”

“Hm…”

I called for the attendee-boy and ordered for a Mocha.”

The silence between us grew and I began to get very restless. I was almost losing my temper but I knew it was not a good idea to get angry at her at this moment. After all, I’m the reason why she’s annoyed.

So after a few seconds of emptiness, I said: “I’m sorry Vidya. I really didn’t mean it to be like this. It just happened so. Won’t you forgive me?”

“Hm…”

I suddenly got down on my knees and produced the gift I had for her.

Now, she was taken aback at my gesture and she immediately became conscious of her surroundings. She looked around to see if anyone was watching us and caught a gang of girls and boys staring at us with a smile. She turned her glance at me and I couldn’t say whether she was still angry or happy. She didn’t move for a while and I had to thrust the watch box into her hands. She smiled a half-smile at me and I settled back in my chair.

The Mocha arrived and she started sipping at it in silence. She placed my gift by a side and never looked at it. It was disappointing.

“Did you like it?” I asked.

“Hm…”

“Now, you still don’t seem very happy. Do you know what trouble I took to find this watch for you and I bet you’d love it.”

“Hm…”

What “’Hm…’?” my voice said the annoyance I felt.

She kept her coffee mug on the table, took the watch out of the box and examined it for a few seconds and looked at me and smiled.

Oh my God! All my anger got washed away, just like that. Just one smile and that’s it…

“You liked it right?”

“Hm…”

I was too flattered by her smile that I never noticed she didn’t utter a word other than “Hm…” after that. I kept talking about how yesterday’s party went and how John started singing in his gory voice after he got drunk and we all made fun of him, and how Sidharth started blabbering about his girlfriend that he just broke up with and how we had a tough time pacifying him and all that.

We rode back, a happy couple, and I kissed her goodbye at the gates of her apartment. She smiled again.

Oh! Oh! That was the cherry topping of the whole day. After all, all that moments of painful waiting didn’t go waste!

I returned home the happiest person in the world and as soon as I reached my flat, I logged into Facebook and waited for her to come online. She came and…

I typed: “Oh Vidya! I love you.”

She replied: “Hm…”

And for whatever I said after that, all I got in response was “Hm…”

I never realized it then. I was too happy to be chatting up with her but once the whole excitement was over and when I lay stretched on my day reminiscing the moments I had with her that day, it struck me.

“Hm…”

I mean, how many meanings can that one sound possess?

True Story (Poem)

I was 20 and she 18, when we first met.

Not a day has dawned since without,

The sun shining brighter even on a rainy day,

The sky getting bluer and bluer,

The birds humming sweeter melodies,

The heart feeling lighter and lighter and lighter...

The world has never looked better!

I was 23 when I got my first job and she, 21.

She lend me money when I was penniless,

She brought me cute t-shirts on my b’days,

And my shoulders were her’s when she felt weak.

We fought our lives through summers,

Through winters and autumns.

She was the best thing that has happened to me,

And I was the best thing that has happened to her.

I was 36 and she, 34, when we got married.

And then...

We Divorced!

*********************************************************

I was reading through some odd stuff in an old edition of The Reader's Digest and I stumbled upon this very intriguing story of a couple who had been in a love relationship for nearly 15 years at the end of which they married and no sooner, they divorced!


It's a freaking world, indeed!

Silhouette (Short story)

Chapter I

I loved Ana and she loved me too. Seven years of a love life that culminated in a marriage and that's me-self and Ana. We were a perfect example of that "couples made in heaven". Our friends called us 'love birds'; said that one cannot be without the other and it was no exaggeration. I remember the time when she had to go abroad for her higher studies when we were three years into the relationship. Not on a single night in her two years stay abroad she failed to call me. My mobile would start ringing with the clock ticking 10.

And the day of her return was ever so dramatic too. There was tight security arrangements at the airport 'coz of the arrival of some VVIP and no one was allowed to stand around. But she told me before she started from there that it was my face that she wanted to see the first when she returned. And I was determined to satisfy her wish. And so with the help of a friend I booked an air ticket for me-self so that I could be inside the airport when she landed. The rest is history... And as soon as I got settled in a permanent job, I just walked into her home and asked her parents for her hand. They were all too happy for us for they knew how long we have been together and they liked me for a son-in-law.

We decided not to have children for at least two years and enjoyed the much awaited life-together to its fullest. Just 8 months into our marriage full of happier moments and eternal bliss and fate had a different ending to our love story. We met with a fatal road accident when we were driving back after attending a play which she always wished to see. I still remember the events of that night - I had booked the tickets and was home early. At 7 in the evening the door opened and she walked in looking all tired and fatigued. She flashed a weak smile at me when she came in. She was too tired to express her surprise at finding me home early.

"Take a bath dear girl. The water is still warm and waiting for you in the tub."

She looked at me and said, "Oh! please Sam. Not now. Not right away..."

As a reply to that I just swooped her off her feet, walked into our bedroom, got her undressed and pushed her into the bathroom. The sight of steam and the scent of aromatic oils rising from the tub had her completely bowled.

"What do you want Sam?"

"I just need you to take a bath and join me for dinner", I said and shut the door without waiting for her reply.

I made bread toasts and egg fries which she loved and had our glasses filled with the finest of red vines that one of our friend had gifted us. I could see the sense of awe when she came to the table clad in her bathing robe.

"What's this all about? Why?..."

"Just have your food and we are going out"

"Going out? To night? Oh no Sam! I'm really not in any mood for outdoors..."

Before she could complete I pushed the tickets for the play  in front of her. Just one look at it and she was all perked up. Her face became all pink with excitement and in one leap she was around my neck kissing me and jumping like a kid. Within minutes we got dressed up and was on our way for the play. It was the staging of 'Othello' by an armature group of artists and they did it pretty well. A packet full of tissue papers soaked in her tears were rolling on the floor when we left the theater. She insisted that she'd drive back home and I let her knowing that a "no" from me would better be said to a wall. And maybe 'coz she was too tired or maybe it's just the fate that made her doze off while driving and all I remember about the whole accident is the high beam of an on coming truck on my face.

I woke, the next morning in a hospital bed and felt a pain searing through my shoulder. I couldn't move and when I tried, a moan just escaped me that caught the attention of the aged nurse who just walked into the room. She smiled a sweet smile at me and came near my bed.

"Don't try to move, son. Your spine is injured and you have got your bones in your shoulders dislocated..."

"Where is Ana?", I shouted back before she could complete.

"She's ok. You need rest..."

"Oh! Come on! Where the hell is Ana", I shouted at the top of my voice and that's when my best friend Ekan walked in. He caught my hand and said in his usual calm tone, "Calm down Sam. Ana is just fine. She's in another room. I'll take you to her the moment you're able to move around. But now you need real rest".

"But Ekan. Ana..."

"I told you she's all right. Trust me."

Another two weeks passed with the same drama repeating almost every morning and Ekan walks in and calms me down. His presence was soothing. He inspired trust and faith in me.

On the first day of the third week all the bandages were removed and my shoulder was safely tucked in a collar. I could barely stand up but I couldn't wait any longer to meet Ana. It was Ekan who escorted me to her room. She was deep asleep when I perched on the bed near her head. There weren't much apparent damage to her except a stitch mark on her temple. I was relieved. I placed a kiss on her forehead and sat there looking at my girl sleeping so peacefully for a few seconds.

"Now listen to this patiently. Do not panic for there is still hope left", Ekan started talking without a warning.

"Shhh...", I said, "You'll wake her up".

Now, Ekan came and sat on the chair near me and held my hands and said, "No. She wouldn't wake up that easily. The doctors are doing their best and as I said, there's still hope left".

His words sounded Greek to me and I said, "What?"

"In the accident she got a piece of glass from the wind shield pierce through her skull and into her brain. By God's grace she was still alive when she was brought to the hospital. The doctors did remove it but she has slipped into a coma after the operation..."

"Noooooooo", and there was an engulfing silence.

I quit my job and for another year I was home bound attending to her day in and day out. I read out stories, sung her favourite songs to her deaf ears. I fed her her favourite foods but which her tongue could never taste again. I sometimes saw tears rolling down her eyes and assuming that she was crying, I mopped it off with a kiss. I sat near her sleepless through nights together, just looking at her blank eyes that never blinked and when I felt she was feeling sleepy, I'd just pull her eyelids down.

And one fine morning as I was giving her a sponge bath her hands fell on mine. I looked into her eyes to see whether there was any sign of life in it. But all I could see was a mocking death staring back at me. I then heard her begging me to free her of the pain she was undergoing. The next thing I knew, I was holding the pillow over her face and in a few seconds that felt like hours that we would ever spent together in this life time, she was dead. "She dead?... Ha! Ha! Ha!" I heard death mocking at me with a guffaw. And then there was a profound silence. Within minutes I realized what had happened. But I didn't cry. I didn't feel guilty about my act. I knew I did the right thing. I just rang up Ekan and asked him to come over.

Ekan listened to my story and reaffirmed my belief. Yes. It is no murder. I could've never killed my Ana. I was just relieving her of her pains.

Chapter II:

A few months has passed since Ana's death and sitting alone at the beach on late evenings was something I loved ever since I made me-self a widower. The cool breeze on my face and the silence interrupted only by the rumbling of the sea had a soothing effect on my torn heart. I'd sit there every evening till night and I'd walk back to my apartment. This became a routine with me which I seldom broke.

In one such lonely evening at the beach I felt I had an uninvited company. There was this man sitting a few meters behind me on a bench. He had a top hat, sunglasses and that's all the details I could make out about this stranger 'coz the flash light beaming from behind him silhouetted his profile to me. He kept staring at me and I felt rather unnerved at this. I pretended to look away from him but was aware of his eyes on me. I got up and when I turned back towards him, wosh... he had disappeared! I looked around in every direction but couldn't find him. The walk back to my apartment was not as easy as it used to be. I kept feeling his eyes on my back, my every move though he was nowhere in the vicinity.

Two days had passed and I never found him again. I relaxed but the on the third day I saw him again against the park light, silhouetted, when I was having a little chat with Ekan.

"Can you see that man over there?"

Ekan looked in the direction that I very discreetly pointed. But the moment he turned to look at him the man just got up and walked away. He had a distinctive strut when he walked as if he was groping in the dark. But in a flash of a second he turned and stepped out of the park. The both of us tried to trail him but he had disappeared.

"What do you think?", I turned to Ekan and asked him with an unknown fear burning in my eyes.

"Hm... Can't say. What do you think?"

"I don't know. Are you sure you never told about Ana to anyone?"

"My good Lord! What are you saying? Don't you trust me?"

"It's not that. But...?"

"Now, don't get cooked up. No one is going to dig up Ana from her grave and find out what happened. Besides, I told you, you didn't do anything wrong. If Ana could speak to you right now, I'm sure she'll tell you the same. This is something else. Stop worrying. I'll find out about this stalker. Leave it to me", said Ekan and pressed my hands.

But I was not convinced. Straight from the park, I walked to the cemetery and sat near Ana's grave. I prayed with all my heart that she'd just emerge out of her grave and be with me again. After a few moments of subdued silence I got up and turned back to find the same man at the gate of the cemetery. Again the light behind him from the street lamp silhouetted his details to me. But this time I was determined to confront the stalker. I was convinced that this had something to do with Ana's death and how long can I keep running away from the hands of the law if it's already behind me? After all, I'm a murderer in the eyes of the law. When has law considered any acts of nobility? And why should I bother to explain things and go through the pain of attorneys ripping my soul apart by calling me a murderer of Ana? I better surrender and accept whatever charges are levied on me. After all, I'm no crook and if the law of the land feels otherwise and want to punish me, let it. I have nothing more to loose and so have nothing to fear.

The moment I saw him turning back and walk away I paced up to him. The nearer I got I saw that he wore a tattered coat and had a walking stick in his hand. I stopped for a second. I found it difficult to rationalise my thoughts.

"Excuse me", I said.

The man didn't appear to have heard me for he kept walking away from me.

"Excuse me", I rather shouted out this time and the man stopped. I ran to him and the moment I reached near him, the whole picture fell in place.

He was just a homeless blind old tramp.

"Yes sir. Can I help you?", he said in a shaky voice.

Now, I was speechless and didn't know what to do. My senses were all getting mixed up. I stood there like a frog just ran over by a truck on a high way.

"Sir? Are you there? Is there anyone near me?", he swung his guiding stick around him and it hit me on my leg and that brought me back to my senses.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Forgive this old man. I'm blind, you see?", he said in a very apologetic voice.

"That's all right."

"Can I help you sir?"

"Oh no. I just wanted to give you this", I said and rolled a couple of 100 rupees notes into his hands.

"But sir..."

"That's ok. It's my b'day today and I always give money to the poor on my b'day"

"Oh! Thank you. Thank you, sir. You'll be blessed. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and he rambled away from me humming a christian song and a very happy man.

And me... Well, I leave that to your imagination...

My Mother (Poem)

On the lap of my mother
I cuddled as an infant.
I cried, I screamed, I puked...
Made noices, the reasons for
I never realised.
But my mother understood those
For she fed me from her breast,
Pampered me to sleep.

Twenty and odd years have galloped by.
No longer on the lap of my mother
Do I cuddle like an infant.
Yet, I cry, I scream, I yell...
Make noises and I'm aware of
the reasons for it.

How strange?

No longer does my mother understand those
For she too cries, screams, yells...
With me and spend many sleepless nights,
Worrying for her kid.

ഒരു പ്രണയഗീതം (Malayalam Poem)

പാടുന്നു ഞാനെന്‍ പ്രണയഗീതങ്ങളൊക്കെയും
അത് മഴയായി പൈതീടിലും
കാറ്റായ് വീശീടിലും
പുഴയായി താഴുകീടിലും...
അറിയുന്നീല ദൂരത്തിരിപ്പവളൊരു
ഹിമം പൈതോഴിയുന്ന കുന്നിന്‍ ചെരുവിലും.
അറിയുന്നീല അവളെന്‍
ഹൃദയം വെന്തുരുകുന്ന വേദനയും.

Another poem in my mother tongue. I wrote this when I was in my college and was wistfully eying the girl of my dreams.

It says:

I sing a thousand love songs,
Those songs have rained down on you,
Those songs have smothered you as a breeze,
Those songs have touched you as a dainty stream...
Yet she never heard it
'coz she was so far away,
Away at some misty foothills.
And she was not aware of the pain

Of a heart that's pining for her.

The Encounter (Short story)

The sky was clear and blue about half hour back. Never has the Sunday sky been so blue since the rain started. Perhaps, it was my instincts that asked me to carry along my umbrella when I went out shopping for my fiancée. She was bed ridden with a badly sprained left knee and said she’s in need of some good books to pass her idling hours.

And, there I was, buying books and DVDs for my dear lady, when it started pouring heavily without a warning. The sudden down pour caused quite a commotion in the streets. People ran helter-skelter for a shelter. Within no time the streets started flooding and nevertheless to say, the street where I stood had the poorest drainage system (or so it seemed), for we had water up to the door steps of the shop within minutes since it started raining. Feeling a bit gay, I wrapped the purchase neatly in a plastic bag and tucked it under my arm, opened my umbrella and stood at the side street, enjoying the rain and the cool drizzle that the wind brought on to my face.

Seconds ticked by and I stood there humming a favourite tune. I noticed a black sedan that came to a halt across the street and a few seconds later, the driver started honking like mad. He pulled down the window, put his hand outside and stated shaking it like he was calling someone. Before I could turn around and look for who he was calling, a lady just stepped into my umbrella and said, “Can you please help me cross the street. I’m in a hurry”. Without waiting for a reply, she put her arm around my waist and pulled me along with her. Now, this was something I least expected and I had no choice than to succumb.

Within seconds we were near the car and she opened the door and got in. I stood there shocked and so thoroughly numb trying hard to figure out what had just happened!

“Thank you and hope we never meet again”, she said and pulled up the window. And before I could respond the car moved away.

But that touch, that sound, the smell of that perfume… Seemed so familiar! But… But who?

And in a flash it all dawned on me.

Yes. It was her. My first love who left me all soul-shattered and heart-broken when she ran away with another guy after being with me for nearly five years. Those were the worst days of my life, trying to recover from a most unexpected blow. It was never easy until I met Eve.

It was a chance meeting in a book store that I had with Evelyn and before I realized anything, I was engaged to this most wonderful woman I’ve ever come across in my life. Soon I began to reconcile with my past and promised myself never to dwell in the hurts of yester years. I started dreaming again, being hopeful about things… I started living again.

And now… Meeting her again and that too in such an unexpected situation was thoroughly an unnerving experience. My emotions were all mixed up when I walked back to Eve’s apartment. Those past hurts, the anger, the rage, the deep-deep sorrow and all that had just sprang back like a dragon with claws from nowhere.

“What happened? Something wrong?”, Eve asked me when I sat on the chair that I pulled near her bed.

“Ah! Nothing…”, I said in a weak tone.

“Come on. That’s not true. I can read it on your face. Tell me na…”

“Eve …” and that’s all I could say. The next moment I had my arms around her and our lips were locked in a most blissful kiss ever.

The kiss, it seemed, lasted for, I don’t know how long? But when it was over, I had tears in my eyes and Eve was looking deep into it.

“It was her, wasn’t it?”, Eve asked without taking her eyes off mine.

“Yes. But… Eve…”

“That’s ok. I can understand. First love is always the best or the worst experience in anyone’s life. It’s ok, dear”, she said and spread her arms wide open.

Being held close to her chest I knew that there could never be a better place for me in this whole wide world.

Black and White (Poem)

I walked down those memory lanes long forbidden by time,

All alone, all in the night, in the darkness.

But I didn’t loose my way,

I never could have,

With the ghosts of memories as my companions.

They took my feet to that spot,

Below the barks of that ancient tree,

Where I first met her,

Where dreams were first made,

Where my life took a turn.

They played for me the vision of the past -

She walking towards me in that peacock green salwar,

Books in her hand, her long braided hair,

That smile on her lips and yet,

Cautious of herself and forgetful about the world around her.

They lead me to that portico in front of the library,

Where we had spent hours,

Looking into each others eyes,

Talk in the language of silence,

Sharing “sweet nothings”.

Life looked much greener then,

Though through my pink glasses.

There was love in the air,

Hopes, high up in the sky,

And every heart beat felt like a thud!

I’ve heard that ghosts see no colours,

For I saw all that in black and white.

Or maybe, it was the moon light.


I can still hear the fading tunes of a love song,
Never heard before and that'll never be heard.
But the music is so fine, rhythmic and insane,
That a heart that has learned to love and pine,
Can only listen to it. 

The peacock green has faded,

My heart beats have mellowed,

I see no lips smiling at me.

The sound of silence has become very loud,

Those “sweet nothings” have become nothing.

"Hello" (Poem)

When the phone bell rang and I saw her name flashing on the screen,

I missed a heart beat, I guess. Or was it two and one more?

I knew I always wished to hear her voice,

and all the more that day.

But this was a surprise I've been wishing for a long time.

I let it ring for a while before I picked it up.

Kept gazing at her name on the screen.

I answered the call with a kiss as silent as silence could be.

I didn't want her to know...

"Hello..."

Ah! That sound sank into my soul.

"Hello..."

What did we talk?

The 10 or odd minutes seemed like eternity.

I'd rather call it "sweet nothings".

Does she know about all this?

I dare not to let her know.

'coz I fear I may loose a good friend.

To me, a girl of my fancy is as much a friend.

But people seldom understand that.

"How can your girl friend be your friend?"

Oh no. A girl friend is a friend who is a girl.

Why should it have a different meaning?

And I don't know my "PYT" too well.

She might misunderstand me as well.

So let her think she's a friend who's a girl.

Oh! But... How much I wish I could listen to her voice again?

Over and over again...

And fill my heart with a melody never heard before!

PST: I know this is utter rubbish. I wrote it 'coz I couldn't keep it bottled in my heart.